My beautiful older sister Verena died on January 27th of this year. I've been having a really tough time dealing with the loss of my sister. I loved her and hated her usually at the same time. However, after the initial shock was over, I committed a horrible act and became the worst sister ever.

Verena's fiance (we called him Axe) was probably the most annoying, offensive man that ever lived. On three separate occassions he tried to rape me. At one point I woke up in the middle of the night only to discover him between my legs trying to finger me and licking my pussy. I of course socked him and shoved him out the door. I didn't tell Verena because she was pregnant and I didn't want to upset her.

Then on the night of Verena's funeral, Axe tried to sleep with me while I slept in my old room in the house I grew up in. My parents hate me. In fact they hate me so much that I was surprised that I was even allowed in the house for the funeral. So when I screamed when Axe tried to fuck me, my loving parents of course blamed me.

Now we arrive at the present. Three nights ago I smoked pot for the first time in my life. I have had several contact highs. However I had never actually done drugs until this night. I was also drinking. A lot. I think I downed a whole six pack of beer as well as many shots of vodka. I also smoked two joints. So I was pretty gone. Which doesn't excuse what I did. Not by a long shot.

I slept with Axe that night. Actually I practically forced him to have sex with me. He didn't want to because I was so gone but I made him. I threatened him with the fact that I report his previous violations if he didn't fuck me. It was probably the worst sex ever. Between the fact that I hated this slimeball and the fact that I felt so fucking guilty for fucking Verena's ex, and the fact that I received no pleasure at all, it was absolutely horrid. I don't know why I did it. I don't like him. I don't even think he's attractive. But I needed sex at that moment and he was the only person around.

When I came to my senses I took a hot shower. In fact I stayed in the hot shower for so long that my skin turned lobster red and stayed red for an hour afterwards. I also rubbed myself raw trying to clean him off of me. After sleeping with Axe I felt far dirtier then I had felt when my ex Jake actually raped and beat me. I don't understand that.

posted by loveaurelia on 7:37 AM