Once upon a time a really sweet prince sent a letter in response to something a dark and corrupted princess had written on her LiveJournal. The princess wrote back and then the two started chatting on AIM. But there was a problem. The fact of the matter is that the prince was truly was a sweet guy and deserved only the best. And the princess was a depraved human being with vast sexual issues. She had long ago forgotten how to be a sweet innocent princess. Normally the princess would have told the prince a lie to get him to go away and be safe. But this time, the princess was unable to do so. For she had actually started to fall in love with the wonderful prince. Soon after, she discovered that the prince felt the same.

Normally, this would be the beginning of a happily ever after story. However in this case, that fairy tale ending was not to be. See, as they started talking more and more, the princess realized two important things. One, that she truly did love him. And two, that she could never be with the prince. The princess was involved in things that she had never told the prince about. True he knew many of her dark and terrible secrets. But he didn't know nearly enough. The princess was rotten to the core. Depraved, sick, infected. She craved the darkness, the degrading acts that she was accustomed to and could not forsee involving him in that world.

So the princess started pushing the prince out of her life. Unfortunately she missed him and kept making mistakes like talking to him. But what the prince didn't know was that every time she spoke to him she spent the night in tears, gasping for breath as she cried because she loved him and knew she could not be with him. But she never once showed him this. Instead, she laughed and chatted away with him, never allowing him to know exactly why she was so aloof. She knew that she should never speak to him, but couldn't bring herself to do it. So instead she continued chatting every so often and acting happy. But on the inside she was dying. And what he didn't know was that she had never stopped her depraved acts. In fact, they had gotten worse. She vowed that she would never let him get close enough to discover the truth apart her.

The princess would end her conversations by telling the prince that she had to sleep. Instead the princess would step out each night in search of casual, dirty and anonymous sex. Male, female, groups, whatever. She was into it all.

Then one night in January she caught a glimpse of herself, naked on all fours on the dirty asphalt of a Los Angeles street with some nameless over 40 guy fucking her from behind, and she started to cry. Her sister woke up to find the princess crying on the front porch and asked what had happened. The princess spilled out the whole story and the sister asked her to get help. The princess vowed that she would change and somehow become good again. She kept her vow for two weeks. Then she broke the vow by going down on some random girl at a party. When she staggered home the next morning, she discovered that her beautiful sister had been taken to the hospital. About a week later, her sister had died, along with the young babe in her womb and the princess knew that it was her fault. The princess knew that she was tainted and cursed. After all she had killed her own sister by being evil and breaking her word.

She knew that she had to keep the prince away from her at all costs for fear of tainting him as well. So she cut off all contact with him. When he emailed her she sent back mean messages or didn't bother to respond. When he IM'ed her, she didn't reply, or blocked him. But she always ended up unlocking him. She created other IM name to avoid seeing him. But every so often she would slip and sign on under her regular names just to see if he was on.

All the while, the princess had broken her vows time and time again. She was going out with someone new practically each night. She'd climb into her bed at 7 and 8 in the morning reeking of alcohol and sex and fall into a troubled sleep. Then she'd awaken at 6 or 7 in the evening and repeat the same process.

Then the princess fell into more trouble. She weakened even more and started smoking marijuana. After that she started taking ecstasy and then started snorting cocaine. The princess fell in love with the blessed white powder. The fairy dust as she called it would bring her so high and make her feel loved and warm and safe, even though she was still up to her regular habits and generally had no idea who it was that was grunting on top of her. The princess didn't care about anything anymore except for the fairy dust. She started taking more and more. The times she didn't have it became horrible nightmares from which she could not awaken. Then the princess ran out of money for the fairy dust. She borrowed money from her sister's ex fiance to pay back the dealer. But it wasn't enough and the dark wizard dealer sent his goons to carve her debt into her skin.

The princess could not believe how far she had sunk. She couldn't believe how far she had fallen. And she knew that she would never be the same no matter what happened to her next.

However the story does have somewhat of a good story. The princess is now attending an outpatient rehab. While she has not ceased her sexual acts, she has started to limit herself. But unfortunately, the princess is now scarred on the outside as well as on the inside. And unfortunately she knows that love is not enough to help her survive. And she also knows now that she will never be good enough for love. Sometimes these realizations make her want to kill herself. But she never does. She refuses to succumb to that. So instead, she talks to Patrick (her counselor) instead and wishes that things had been different.

As for the prince? The prince will be sad for awhile. But eventually he'll stop contacting the princess. Especially when she refuses to speak back. And the prince will meet a woman who is truly perfect for him and he will never think of the princess again except to wonder if it had all been a dream.

posted by loveaurelia on 9:08 PM